You get what you deserve. Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. Karma. What goes around comes around. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Call it what you will, but we all know that what really rings true is that you reap what you sow. The Bible talks about this in many ways, and most sermons will teach about the blessings that come from blessing others. Some pastors have even made their name public by preaching sowing a seed in your heart and believing for good things. But how does this apply to our daily life and our marriage and family?
A little while ago my husband and I were driving and I started to feel a little hurt by our conversation. I didn’t agree with his point of view, and I really wanted him to listen to my opinions and, let’s face it, take my side. I’m sure he was thinking the same thing. I started to get quiet and think of all the ways my feelings were hurt, and how I should nag tell him. But… remember how I’m trying to work on empathy? God spoke to my heart and said, you reap what you sow.
Let’s cut to the chase and say what no one really wants to hear… In your marriage, you reap what you sow. If you nitpick, you’ll get a spouse that nitpicks. If you encourage, you’ll get a spouse that encourages also. So the question is, what kind of spouse do you have? A nitpicker? A smart-alec? A negative nancy? A stonewaller? A nag? A bully? An airhead? An encourager? A romantic? A kindly king? A cheerleader?
Here is a scenario. Your spouse is in charge of picking up the kids from practice every day after school, and you decide to call him and remind him, you know… just in case. The conversation goes a little bit like this:
Her: Hey, I just wanted to call and remind you that you’re running short on time and not to forget to pick up the kids from practice.
Him: Okay, I’m leaving right now.
Her: Well you better hurry up, you never know what kind of traffic there is.
Him: Yeah, I know. I said I’m leaving.
Her: You don’t have to get snappy with me. I just don’t want the kids to be waiting for you, wondering where you are. You know you’re always late.
Him: I have 45 minutes before I have to be there and it’s only a 15 minute drive.
Her: Why can’t you just listen to what I’m saying and just agree so I know you’re on the same page as me.
Him. (sigh) I just said ‘Okay’ and that ‘I’m leaving right now.’
Before you know it, you’ve got a spouse who dreads taking your call because you’re nagging. Soon your husband will nag and nitpick you back, and you’ll find yourself wondering why you got married in the first place. It might sound silly, but this is exactly how a wall begins to build between you, and this is exactly what the enemy wants. The Bible says that Satan comes to “kill” and to “destroy” and one way he does that is to separate you in your marriage.
You can turn everything around by remembering that you reap what you sow. You can express the same message to your spouse, but in a way that helps you reap a kind and encouraging spouse:
Her: I was just calling to tell you how much I appreciate you picking up the kids from practice again today. I always can count on you, and having you on my team means there is no way we can ever lose!
Him: silence
At this point he may have fainted, or his jaw is on the floor making it difficult to speak. If he could respond, he’d probably tell you thank you, and how he’s happy to get the kids, and he’s heading out in just a few minutes, and oh is there anything else you need him to do today? Not only will you score big cheerleader points, but he’s going to be the best daddy taxi ever! In fact, he might start calling you and letting you know he’s heading out to get the kids.
This seems like a small thing, but it can be the thing that saves your marriage. If you sow goodness into your spouse starting right now, you will eventually reap goodness that spreads throughout your marriage and family. Just remember that it may take some time. Keep working at it and you will see the harvest.
Scriptures for Meditation
“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.” Galatians 6:7
“As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it.” Job 4:8
“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.” 2 Corinthians 9:6