Have you ever wondered, “If I could only change that one thing about my spouse, everything in our lives would be so much better.” Let’s be honest, with all those wonderful habits in life that our partner has, who hasn’t wondered about changing at least one thing about our spouse? The truth is you really can influence change in your spouse, but probably not in the way you think.
So, you say you are desiring real change in your lives and your marriage? Let’s look at what is required for real change to flourish – Integrity. Integrity is the prerequisite for all lasting change. What is integrity you ask, “Integrity is the personal choice of consistency in our actions. It is also the observation and implementation of our moral and ethical values and principles being demonstrated in the course of our daily lives.” If you study the word integrity, you will find out that it was derived from the latin word integer, which means: whole or complete.
Proverbs 11:3 (NIV) The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.
Proverbs 10:9 (NIV) Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.
Did that just say that our integrity guides us securely but if we are unfaithful our duplicity will corrupt and destroy us? If you begin to think about what integrity really is you can begin to form a picture in your mind of some mental process of purification which leads to wholeness or being complete. If we are to begin to have integrity we are going to have to purify our mind through our thoughts and that can only be done with the help of Christ within us.
Romans 12:2 (NIV) Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV) We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
Romans 4:17 (KJV) As it is written, I have made thee a father of many nations, before him whom he believed, even God, who quickeneth the dead, and calleth those things which be not as though they were.
Philipians 4:8 (NIV) Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Those 4 scriptures above have had the most impact in my life when I desperately desired change. In fact, I still rely on God speaking to me through them on a regular basis. Many years ago when I began my journey, I started to notice my self-talk. Yeah, we all do it but we don’t all pay attention to it. I realized that the thoughts I was allowing to flourish in my mind were having great influence over my life. When I would make a mistake I would beat myself up inside my mind and it really began to take a toll on me. Those thoughts influenced me in ways I never realized until I started applying what God’s word says about me in my life. I had to take those thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ and measure them according to scripture. I had transform and renew my mind by thinking on what is true, pure, and admirable about myself and others. I had to receive the faith from God to call things not as they were but as they will be when I was faced with a difficult challenge.
I mention this because in the course of our marriages not only do we have bad thoughts about ourselves, but sometimes we also have bad thoughts about our spouses. When we experience a hurt, if we start allowing our emotions of the flesh to take control of our thoughts instead of allowing the Spirit of God to transform the thoughts in our mind, we could be headed for deception and destruction. This is why it is so important to follow the direction in the scriptures above and think the truth about ourselves and our spouses. We can’t allow ourselves to be lazy and cater to our flesh. We must pursue the truth and be diligent about what God says about us and our marriage. This is where change begins, through integrity in our thoughts and in our own minds. The amazing thing is what follows. By committing to changing ourselves from being a selfish spouse to a spouse who serves, we begin reflecting God’s glory. That makes us a catalyst for a desire to change within our spouse.
Scriptures for Meditation
Proverbs 11:3 (NIV) The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.
Proverbs 10:9 (NIV) Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.
Romans 12:2 (NIV) Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV) We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
Romans 4:17 (KJV) As it is written, I have made thee a father of many nations, before him whom he believed, even God, who quickeneth the dead, and calleth those things which be not as though they were.
Philipians 4:8 (NIV) Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.