When I decided to write on this topic I thought it would be fun to use the graphic above in remembrance of that popular movie scene in, “The Matrix”. In the clip Morpheus asks, “Do you want to know what IT is?” He was talking about the Matrix, but I’m talking about Love. In that particular scene he gives the hero, Neo, a choice. Take the blue pill and just go on believing whatever you want to believe. For the purpose of this blog post, I equate this option to just keep on loving based on your own feelings. Morpheus also gives him another more meaningful choice by taking the red pill in order to go deeper and seek the truth. This is the challenge I have for you: believe the truth that love is actually a choice we all must make and it is not based on feelings that change.
Let me ask a question…What is love to you? I mean real love, not “I love my new smartphone” or “I love this dessert”. You might say what others have said, something like, “Love is that feeling you get when you know they are the one“. Maybe others might say, “You know you are in love when someone makes you feel so good, it just has to be love.” I say those descriptions and other similar definitions of love are extremely dangerous to us all.
I think love is much simpler than that, but certainly not easier. It also has great purpose in it’s simplicity because it is intentional. When Kate and I speak on the topic of marriage, whether in Sunday school class or some other speaking venue, I will frequently state that “love is a choice”. If you are like me when I heard this the first time many years ago, you’d be like “love is a choice, what are you talking about?” To answer that question, let’s look at a some scriptures.
Ephesians 1:4 (NIV) “For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love”
John 3:16 (NIV) “For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 5:8 (NIV) “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”
Did you see that God chose us before we even existed? He chose to die for us all the while knowing we would reject Him. I’m fairly certain that didn’t feel too good going into the whole torture thing before death just for us. Basing something so important as love on a feeling is very dangerous. Feelings change and that is why it has to be a conscious choice to love, an intentional decision.
Christ gave us the perfect example of how to choose to love. In those scriptures above, along with many others in the bible, you see that God’s choice to love us is perfectly demonstrated on the cross. Jesus didn’t have to die for us, and I’m pretty sure He didn’t feel like dying for us either. He could have taken himself off that cross and had the angels escort Him to His throne in Heaven, but He didn’t. He chose to stay and love us right there in that pain of death on the cross of our sin. Remember, He sweat drops of blood contemplating his destiny on the cross, nevertheless God’s will was done through His son as a choice of love for us.
I often tell others that when I’m struggling with a hurt inflicted in marriage I often picture the image of Christ on the cross and how He suffered for me. It helps me to put things into perspective and love my wife the way I’m called to love her, like Christ loves the church. He died for His bride, the church. When I think of love that way, my little “bee stings” of pain don’t seem as significant any longer and I come to my senses and continue choosing to love again by following Christ’s example. If we can get this concept right and be consistent in our daily lives, this is where God can do a miracle in your marriage and use that same resurrection power of Christ to restore or “resurrect” your marriage. Take the red pill, it is worth it!
Scriptures for Meditation
Ephesians 1:4 (NIV) “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love”
John 3:16 (NIV) “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 5:8 (NIV) “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Ephesians 5:25 (NIV) “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”