At one time in my life I was very much into the idea of finding my soul mate. It’s an incredibly romantic notion that I learned from hearing the term soul mate from many different areas of my life. My teenage brother would boast about the girl he was dating and how they were soul mates. On television a star-crossed couple would agonize over their plight to stay with their soul mate. I listened as people said whether or not their current partner was the one or not. I still hear adults who are about to get married, describe their partner as their soul mate. The idea is so popular that there are countless books and songs all about soul mates (ahem…Romeo and Juliet?). Even if you don’t believe in soul mates yourself, you just might one day find yourself asking a friend, “Are you sure you’ve found The One?”
Let’s face it. The thought of finding the one and only person who makes you feel most comfortable in every single area of your life, and constantly ignites your heart with flames of desire daily sounds absolutely perfect. Who wouldn’t want to find someone that they fall in love with instantly and just so happen to never disagree or argue with?
The problem is that it’s just not very realistic. Instead, I challenge you to start thinking about your spouse (or future spouse) as a Sole Mate. Your sole mate is your other half. The one you walk through life with. You may not always be in sync, but you’re always just a step away from each other (anything familiar come to mind, like maybe a pair of shoes). You can still have unbelievable feelings of chemistry toward your sole mate, but this concept is based on character and not cosmic chance!
Here are a few key reasons why I think you should marry your sole mate, and not your soul mate:
You Get to Choose Your Sole Mate!
The whole concept behind finding your soul mate is that there is only one person that your heart, mind, soul, and body will connect with in every single way. You’re supposed to wander the world and just hope that you chose the right college where you’ll meet him or her. No! The Bible actually gives us the choice of whether or not we’ll get married. In fact, in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul says that if you’re able to be single, fine – if not, by all means, get married. You choose!
There are obviously some people who would make lousy future spouses and you should stay away from them, but there are also people suitable for you where God let’s you choose within the realm of possibility. We just need to know how to pick the right man or woman of character, and not just depend on some fantasy or stupid blind luck.
Your Sole Mate Can Make You a Better You!
If we believe the idea of a soul mate then by the time you find each other you should both be perfect in every way. There will not be annoying habits, disagreement you have to compromise on, or lack of lack of rainbows and butterflies every moment of your lives.
We all know the flaw in that idea! We’re selfish by nature and you may not realize that you disagree about the direction of the toilet paper until you’ve already gotten married! But if you’ve married (or will be marrying) your sole mate, then you have the freedom to actually grow as a person. You’ll discuss things like the toilet paper (sometimes fervently) and you’ll perhaps see the better judgment of why it (obviously) goes over and under. God can use you to sharpen each other (Proverbs 27:17) so you’ll both be razor sharp and ready to battle the world if the need arises.
Your Friends and Family Can Have Some Input!
If you’ve brought home you soul mate to your parents only to find out they think he or she is all wrong for you, you could find yourself in a modern day Romeo and Juliet situation. I promise, that’s not as romantic as it seems. While we may not like to admit it, our friends and family can be very perceptive when it comes to our relationships. Your parents have known you for years, and generally want the best for you. They can sometimes see things that you can’t. You may excuse behaviors that others realize are red flags. Even if your parents have made mistakes in their own relationships, those mistakes probably made them wiser and more likely to see how to prevent them in the future.
If you got married because you felt like you found your soul mate, only to discover that you may not be as perfect for each other in every way as you thought; don’t despair. You can still work on developing the character that will help you both become sole mates. Continue to work on your marriage and striving to be the best MATE (soul or sole) that you can be. You can do this by focusing on the important needs in your marriage like these 7 Tips For a Successful Marriage. Just like the soles of the perfect pair of shoes walk together in life, so can you and your sole mate walk together in harmony and love.